On being a damsel in distress

Recently I needed someone to help me pick up some huge bags of lye (lye, or sodium hydroxide, is what we use to make soap...if you need further explanation see my other post: http://divabella-innergoddess.blogspot.com/2006/07/one-where-i-answer-oft-asked-question.html). So, being the Diva I am, I asked for help.

Lil Sis--who spent most of her early years dressed as a boy (even shunning the top of her 2 piece swimsuit before she developed up there to be more like her best pal Andy) and, who is, by her own admission, strong but still very feminine--came to my rescue!

After picking up the 250 pounds of lye (in separate bags, darlings...she's strong, but not the Hulk!), she called my celly and left me a message that consisted of a simple paraphrase from the fabulous 90's movie "Clueless":

"For someone totally clueless, you sure have that damsel-in-distress thing going on!"

And, you know, she's right.

I guess I do know how to be the damsel in distress. Well, let's face it, I've been in a lot of distress, darlings!

But, I think what she really meant--correct me if I'm wrong, Lil Sis--is I know how to ask for what I want.

I didn't always know how to do this, but I did learn it fairly early on and, believe me, it has been a huge benefit in my career and probably the reason why I became known as a Diva in the first place!

Now don't get me wrong, poodles, asking for what you want in a clear and friendly way does not make you a Diva; it simply is the proper way to get what you need.

Unfortunately, to the untrained, women who ask for what they want are Divas (or other nasty names!).
I guess, according to the neanderthals still roaming the Earth these days, we're just suppose to shut up and take what we get and be happy about it. To quote "Clueless" again: "As if!"

No, asking for what you want is absolutely necessary in life, darlings, and makes you a true Diva Extraordinairre!

Taking some much needed direction from the bunnies on my socks

Divas!

I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who sometimes feels a little lost or dejected by the idiots that swirl around us every day. And, if you are like me, you're always (always!) getting mired down by these losers!

I don't know about you, but in my former life, I really took what these losers said to heart.
In fact, when people offered me some "constructive criticism", I truly believed everything they said:
"You're too this...you're too that!"

Oh, it would send me to the pity pot more times than I can remember.

I'd be like: "Boohoo! You don't like me! It must be me! I have to change!" And I would try and try again to be something I wasn't all for the sake of "getting along" or "fitting in".

Well, you know what? I think I've found the solution to the idiots and their big mouths, darlings! Let me explain.

A few weeks ago I went into Kohl's on a quest for some new socks. (Now I know what you are thinking and let me assure you, I will indeed get back to the idiots that swirl about you...promise!)

Anyway, I had realized that most all of my socks were just tired and ugly. Most of them were mismatched, but that it didn't seem to matter, because I always seemed to buy white ones anyway.

Yup, boring ol' white bootie socks. Formerly paired with boring ol' Keds canvas sneakers, they became my feet's summer wardrobe for going on the last 20 years or so. Nothing risque...nothing that could cause a scene or an uproar...just blah, blah bland.

Now, as an aside, last year I "graduated" into these awesome new slip-on Skecher sneakers, which worked great as my feet swelled into little water balloons during the end of my pregnancy. The Skechers brought me into the current decade and I felt a little more trendy, but still they were always, always worn with boring ol' white socks.

Actually, by the looks of them, most of my socks were a little more like a light grey. But boring, nonetheless. I think my rationalization was that they were easy to pair when doing laundry...or something like that.

Anyway, back to my story....

So I'm nosing around Kohl's and I happen to end up in the "Clearance" area. (Kohl's, by the way, has a weird way of doing clearance so that you never actually know what you are going to end up paying for an item until they ring you up. Annoying? Why, yes, actually...very.)

Since I'm always on the prowl for a good deal, I happened upon a few pairs of socks in the 70% off area. Unfortunately, these socks weren't white at all, but colorful and...dare I say...fun!

Actually these socks had a cute little bunny--who I later found out from my teenage niece is called "Happy Bunny"-- that had nasty but funny little sayings on them.

Now, if you know me at all, I'm not one to make changes very quickly or effortlessly. But, since I am no longer in a situation where I am scrutinized by everyone around me (read: no longer employed by that awful, oppressive and cultish company down the street), I decided to take a chance and buy the socks.

Right, I know, I'm a loser! I mean, who really thinks about these things? Ah, well, leave it to me! :)

However, a weird thing happened when I started to wear them.

Every once is a while I'd look down at my feet and read the nasty little saying on that Happy Bunny's face and gather just enough confidence to go on when faced with one of those idiot people or situations (See! I told you I'd get back to the idiots!).

I'd smile and know that even if I couldn't SAY: "It's all about me!", my socks could. And, well, I could find some degree of comfort in that.

It was then I realized that I was finally getting the confidence boost I've been searching for....all in a little pair of socks! Lame, I know, but it WORKED!

I could now just glance down and remember a few of my choice confidence boosters....and the cool thing...the coolest thing!...was I was actually starting to believe them! Huh! Take that you mysogynistic know-it-alls!

If you aren't aware of Happy Bunny's sayings, here are just a few of my favs:

"It's not your fault. But I'm blaming you anyway!"
Or how about: "Cute but psycho. Things even out."
Or even: "I'm not mean. You're just a sissy!"
And: "Look how nice I am not laughing at you."
And my all time favorite: "Hurray for boys with money!"

And then there's Happy Bunny's cohorts chiming in with pearls of wisdom like:
"Boys are strong. Bury them deep!",
"It's funny how dumb you are!" and
"Look. The world needs drama queens."

So, divas, if you sometimes forget who it is REALLY all about, I think I would hop on over to your nearest Kohl's and pick up some of these socks.

They've really done wonders for me...only wish I found them sooner....maybe I wouldn't have taken the abuse as long as I did!

But, as it is, they've probably cut my therapy time in half! Wahoo! That's progress!

Just my not-so-humble opinion, darlings!

Toodles, poodles!

We spend the day next to the Doggie Kissing Booth!

Well, folks,They can't all be winners!

This past Saturday, Darling Sis and I decided at the last minute to attend the Cocheco Valley (NH) Humane Society's Festival day.

I had to really twist Sis' arm to go, because it was an early setup and it was up past Portsmouth...plus it was going to be depressingly humid beyond belief. I preyed on her love of dogs to get her to go and, in a wink, we were there!

We arrived pretty excited and raring to go, until we found out that MDH forgot to put the tent in the Diva Mobile! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!! Men!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Need I say any more, lovies?

Well, there was just no way we were going to be able to sit out all day in an open field under the beating sun.... with all kinds of product that could melt....and me with my "vapours".
We thought that was the end of that one.

However, Laura--the new special events coordinator for CVHS--said we could use the tent space she had open. Aha! What a great solution!

Yes, it was away from the other crafters, but it was under a blessed group of trees that delivered relief from the sun!

But....little did we know we would be sharing tent space with a bunch of smooching canines! Yes, puckering pooches!

Ah, yes, the allure of the Doggie Kissing Booth!

It drove them by the herds....away! Ha! Just kidding.

Honestly, I love my dogs and most dogs in general, but would anyone really want to pay a buck to be given a big, VERY wet kiss by an oaf of a Newfie (sweet and lovable, yes!) on a boiling hot day?

Apparently, in New Hampshire, yes.
Yes, it seems they love to be kissed by dogs in New Hampshire.
And they will gladly fork out the money to do so.
(As an aside, I jokingly said to Darling Sis: "Now I know why we don't do more shows in NH!" Really, just kidding, nothing against folks from New Hampshire!)

So, basically we spent the day watching people kiss overheated pooches all day.

Oh, well, at least it was for a good cause!

Better luck next week at the Bow St. Fair in Portsmouth, NH.

If you haven't been up to the Bow Street Fair, you should definitely make plans to attend. Very nice location--right near the water and Strawberry Banke, too--but be forewarned, the parking sucks! (Take some advice from a Diva who knows first hand: Don't chance it, park in the garage! Those meter maids are brutal! They even mark your tires!! Tricky, tricky!)

Alas, I don't think there will be a Doggie Kissing Booth at Bow Street, though!
Too refined for that in Portsmouth, I guess.

So, if you didn't make it last weekend, I think you've missed your chance for a while....unless, of course, pooches pucker up all the time in New Hampshire. The world may never know!

Spas and health food! Not just for the rich and famous!

Hi Divas!

Hope this finds you well. I'm not sure if I told you, but this Diva spent a few days last week in Florida visiting the Safety Harbor Spa & Resort for some much needed R&R.

The Safety Harbor Spa (http://www.safetyharborspa.com) is one of the top 10 spa destinations in the U.S., mostly because it is famous for its "healing waters" that come from a huge aquifer deep below the Florida earth. This water is filled with minerals and was considered by explorer Hernando de Soto to be "the fountain of youth". The water has been used for over 500 years for its healing powers and is now used in all areas of the hotel and spa, including the pools, steam room and bathing water. It is delicious and I would defy anyone who says they can't tell the difference between it and the purified waters currently on the market.

Anyway, the Spa has an enormous fitness center, too. In fact my room overlooked the many tennis courts located right alongside the beautiful Tampa Bay.

While I was there I had a few spa treatments and just relaxed, darlings! Actually I took a 2 hour bath the first night (with La Diva Bella product, of course)! I can't remember the last time I took such a relaxing bath! I sat by the pool, too, and took a steam in the lovely steam room. Aside from a necessary trip to the cell phone store for a charger (duh! Forgot mine!), I just relaxed, enjoyed the tropical and relaxing setting, and finally got a chance to think!

Thinking is something you don't really have time to do when you have an extremely active (and probably genius level) 9 month old boy! (Did I mention I left the Babe with family for three days!)
It took a while, but I finally remembered who I was before Baby O dropped into our lives. I remembered why I loved to travel, too.

In my other life, I got to travel a lot; I've seen most of the U.S. because of my other jobs, which is at least one thing to be thankful for! In fact, I think I've been to almost all of the 48 contiguous states, so far, which is so much fun and such an eye-opening experience, too. In addition to seeing exciting new places and meeting lots of new people, travel is, for me at least, an awesome time to think and reconnect with my hopes and dreams.

Why? Well, think about it, aside from hospitals (which can have yucky karma), airplanes are the only place you can't be interrupted by phones or email or distracted by the news or the internet. And though you can't really stretch out and relax, you can pop some Enya on your iPod and journal or doodle to your heart's content. So, I've always taken this time to get caught up on "my life". In fact, I think I would recommend flying over sitting in a cemetery (which I've heard is good, too), when it comes to making huge life-altering decisions. Ask yourselves, when was the last time you just sat and thought about your life? For me, at least, it had been nearly 2 years and I am just so grateful for the brief but enlightening time I got to spend away from my life to think about where I was going.

Now, please understand, I don't always follow through on on all my dreams and goals, but I do manage to make a few important changes that really do effect my life.

During this trip I realized I needed to take better care of myself in *all* aspects of my life. This means getting the sleep my body needs and craves (hard to do with O waking at least twice a night), making showering and grooming a priority, setting up boundaries with family members that tend to unknowingly trounce all over me, and to eat right.

Now, eating right is a HUGE issue for me, because I have always found great comfort in food...especially in trying times, like the last 2 years! Unfortunately, I am finding out that getting comfort from food is not always a good thing. I become worried about carbs, calories, fiber and protein! This becomes such an obsession, that my usual M.O. is to stop eating because I just don't know what to eat!

But, this time--ah! this time!--I decided to do something I think I can finally stick with! I have decided that I will follow in the footsteps of the rich and famous and replace refined foods with whole foods. The key word here is replace! Not eliminate...no, not eliminate, can't do that! Instead, I have replaced white flour with whole grains, butter with olive oil and milk with soymilk. And let me tell you, I feel great!

Actually I should say I *felt* great until last night.

Last night, I didn't plan for dinner and was feeling stressed, so I rationalized: "Hey! I can splurge once in a while!". So I ate a big ol' sub on a giant white flour roll with cheese and processed meats, to boot! Then I topped the whole thing off with a big glass of skim milk (not soy) and some gingersnap cookies (white sugar, white flour).

And, let me tell you, was I ever sorry!

In the middle of the night I had the most horrific stomach pains, forcing me to spend time in the "Ladies" for a while (not going to be any more explicit) . Then, the next day, I felt like I had been drugged AND hit over the head with a shovel. I slept ALL day! And it wasn't even restful sleep! I'm still feeling woozy! What a nightmare!

Well, as they say around here: "Light dawns on Marblehead!" I now realize that even though I might love or crave foods like cookies and milk, they just aren't good for me. I'm probably allergic to them, actually, and if I want to continue to feel good, I just can't eat like that any more. So, I'm back to my whole foods regimen and so thankful for the learning experience!

So, in summation darlings, you might want to consider yourself rich and famous for a few days and head on down to the Safety Harbor Spa (or any other, for that matter), so you can learn that you are a very valuable person and worth taking good care of! It's a lesson I don't think I will soon forget myself!

Ciao for now, sweeties!

The one where I answer the oft asked question: "How did you become a soapmaker?"

I guess people could call me an all-around sensitive person.

Ever since I was a little kid, I've been prone to enormous heartbreaks and letdowns, true.
But, I also suffered on the outside, too. Actually for as long as I can remember, I have suffered from what I'll call "sensitive skin syndrome".

Unfortunately, I think my folks missed part of the hippie generation, because I was never introduced to "all things natural" including natural soaps when I was a kid. Don't get me wrong. We still wore outrageous tasselled suede vests and bell bottoms...but that was about it.

Growing up I showered with what everyone else did. Ivory, Safeguard, Dove, and yes, even, Dial.
Dial was my dad's favorite. I think because it lasted so damn long and he is, after all, a dyed-in-the-wool frugal New Englander.

But my very sensitive skin paid dearly for it.

Actually, I remember taking a bath in with Mr. Bubble (the bath soap, not the guy!) and breaking out in red itchy spots all over. I also remember not being allowed to go swimming due to a potential case of impetigo, which lead me to cry--no, wail!--all day while watching the other kids swim. Truly awful!

Hives, spots, rashes, eczema...you name it, I had it.

But that's not what turned me on to making and using natural soaps. It just made me itch a lot and my face break out, too. I just thought I'd have to live with being an inside-and-out sensitive human being for the rest of my life.

Well, long story short: I grew up, graduated high school, went to college, became a responsible adult and got a job, 2 dogs, a house, a mortgage and lots of stress.

Lots and lots and lots of stress. It became so bad that I tried everything to relieve it...yoga, meditation, Buddhism, New Age music, massage, counseling, and--here's the link--aromatherapy.
They helped, but none actually helped get rid of the problem (that came later when I finally made some good life decisions).

The aromatherapy is what got me hooked on collecting essential oils....and that led to....soapmaking!

So how did I link soapmaking with essential oils? Actually, when I think about it, I'm not entirely sure just how I put two and two together. I guess I was just looking for a vehicle for my newly acquired essential oils when I happened upon an article about using them in soapmaking.

My first reaction was somewhat typical, I think. I remember saying to myself "People actually make soap?!?".

To me (and probably most every other American), people don't make soap, *companies* do.
Soap was just something you buy at the store. Like toilet paper or aluminum foil. Who is going to make their own toilet paper? I mean, why go through the trouble of making it, when it is already made for you, right?

But, alas, since I've always been a clever and somewhat frugal girl and persistence being one of my best virtues, I thought I would give it a whirl. So, I bought a book on soapmaking....not the best one, just the cheapest (not recommended).

Looking back, learning from a book (especially a not-so-good one) was probably *not* the best way to get into soapmaking. But books being my faithful friends, I ventured out on this limb with the instructions given to me.

One thing I found out quickly was it was difficult to find all the ingredients I needed to make soap.

First off, you need lye (potassium hydroxide) to make soap, which--back then was difficult to find in local stores--and now is impossible to get at a grocery store (they have taken the only brand off the market--Red Devil Lye--due to some very naughty people using it to make drugs!).

Plus lye is dangerous. Dangerous, but essential, in making soap. People often ask me if you can make soap without lye and the short answer is "no". The long answer is lye creates a chemical reaction between the two main ingredients--water and oils--which allows them to bind together. Without lye, oil won't mix with water, right? So, no lye, no binding...means no soap. Lye is what "makes soap, soap".

Water was easy enough to find (we always have used distilled), but the oils were not. Also, as a devoted animal lover, I was truly turned off at the thought of using tallow to make soap. Tallow, which is basically rendered animal fat, is a primary ingredient in many homemade soaps, because its cheap and makes a really hard bar of soap. But the idea of washing with animal grease or even vegetable shortening seemed sort of gross to me and, frankly, I didn't want to contribute to the whole beef controversy. Not gonna do the "Oprah thing".

So, off I went to the health food store to fetch a few different kinds of veggie oils.
First, off I was in for a surprise when I saw how much even small quantities of the stuff cost! For my first batches, I chose to use three different oils because they were easiest to find: coconut, olive and sunflower. In retrospect, using 3 types of oils was "keeping it simple"--a tough thing for me to do--but probably not the best combination for a really good end product. By the way, now that we've perfected the process, we use 7 different types of oil in our basic bar; each oil lends its own characteristic to the soap, making a truly luxurious bar indeed.

My first attempts at soapmaking were suspect, to say the least. I made three batches to start with--sort of aggressive, true, but that is my nature, right? I remember the soaps well: Rosemary Mint, Tea Tree & Bentonite Clay and then something akin to an Oatmeal.

Since I didn't have soap molds, I poured the batches into cardboard containers, then insulated them and let them set up before unmolding them and cutting them. Without a good cutter and a plan, cutting soap is not too easy and my finished bars ended up being in all sorts of shapes and sized. But persist I did (seeing a trend here?) and allowed the soap to dry its 4 weeks before I could use it. Waiting 4 weeks was hard, but when it finally came I was so proud of myself I think I took two showers a day for the first week!

Now since the first attempts at making soap were not too pretty--odd shapes and different smells, too--I had a really hard time getting people--even family members to try it. Some took the bars dutifully, but I'm not sure if they ever used it.

One not-so-very-nice person (actually he is a super critical person who will remain nameless) said a bar of my Tea Tree & Bentonite Clay soap smelled like a musty old basement! I was insulted, but definitely not prepared to give up. (By the way--you know who you are...shame on you! Shame on you for not believing in me! Obviously, you were very, very wrong!)

Of the three batches, the Rosemary Mint was the first real success! It was cool and refreshing and actually lathered and made me feel clean without leaving me with that "stripped" feeling. And, surprise!, my skin didn't itch all over anymore, so I didn't have to use oodles of body lotion to replace the drying effect of washing! One slight problem with the RM..it was, um, too tingly so you needed to be careful where you used it, if you get my drift.

As an aside, the Oatmeal soap totally bombed and was disgustingly ugly (even I wouldn't use it!), so I later ended up calling it Ugly Soap and sold it as "Guaranteed to wash off the ugly!" Marketing ploy, yes, but it did sell out at the first church fair in a flash!

Bouyed by the relative success, I was hooked at the idea that I would never, ever have to buy soap again from a store again. Hurrah! And, thankfully, no more "sensitive skin" either! It was then when I got truly hooked on handmade--not commercial--soaps and have never, ever used another bar of that crap again.

Now, 5 years later, La Diva Bella carries more than 50 kinds of soap. All still made the "old fashioned" way, but also poured into standardized molds, so that we make sure you always get a nice full bar of our great soap.

So, there's my story. Hope you liked it. I wanted to talk about why commercial soaps are so bad for you, but I think I'll save that one for later. Enough for today!

Summertime! And the livin' AIN'T easy!

Hello darlings!
How ARE you????????
Have you missed me???? I hope not too, too much.

If you thought I'd gone off and taken a nice soothing vacation by the beach, you would have been wrong, lovies.

Summertime is a very busy time for La Diva Bella. Lots of shows, first of all. And those can be fun, of course, because we get to meet all our Div-otees, but they can also be very draining, too.

All of our summer shows are out-of-doors, which means battling the elements.

And, let me tell you, we've battled our share of elements including: sprinkles, showers, sheets of rain, high winds, thunder & lightning, some hail and searing sun...you know, heatwaves!!!!

Lots of heatwaves--with oppressive temps that make some of our products melt and make me weak in the knees.

Seriously! If you know me well, you know that not only do I hate to sweat (its rather unladylike in my not-so-humble opinion), but it actually makes me ill!

Illness complete with fainting spells and dizzyness, which forces me to sit on my Queen Bee Chair with my feet up drinking copious amounts of lemonade (yes, I am a lemonade girl...lemon, by the way, is awesome for your skin!) while watching Darling Sis work her butt off.

Well, maybe adding a comment or three while fanning myself.

Soooo...there I am...just as helpless as a fly in a spider web, lovies!

Whoa is me...or is it Who is I....well, you know what I mean! Whoa, whoa!

Are you concerned, darlings? You should be! :)

This illness happens to me frequently during the summer, which is probably why Darling Sis has no more butt left. (Really, it's true...flat as a pancake...not her front now, we're talking about her BEE-hind...all the Sistas have rather round but shapely "fronts", me included!)

I believe my malady to be some form of the good ol' fashioned vapours.

Or maybe some stylish new illness (which won't become fashionable until I've suffered with it for a long, long time. Again, "Oh, whoa is me!").

Whatever it is, it's just awful, awful, awful! But I will continue to suffer with it not-so-quietly.

By the way, even though I sweat (everyone does), I never smell. That's too masculine for me or YOU, sweeties.

I use La Diva Bella's NEW and completely ALL natural deodorant (now in 2 scents--herbal and citrus!) You've really got to try it!
Here's where you can find the citrus one on the site: http://www.ladivabella.com/product_info.php/products_id/463.
Darling Sis hasn't put the new herbal one on yet...got to get on her about that!

Not to get off on a tangent, but if you are at ALL concerned about breast cancer, you should really and truly consider using an aluminum-free deodorant, ladies!

Aluminum stops the sweat, true, but is just not healthy and *may* cause breast cancer. You can read about it at WebMD here: http://www.webmd.com/content/article/79/96226.htm).

If it says "antiperspirant" anywhere on the container, it has aluminum...so check your brand.

If I were you, I'd throw that commercial stuff out, just to be safe, darlings.

Anyway.....summertime also means filling lots and lots of teeny, tiny little hotel bottles with our awesome body lotion and shampoo. And then there's the wrapping of hundreds of little guest soaps! This year we (I say we, but I really mean Darling Sis) will probably wrap upwards of 4,000 of our little soaps...and she makes the corners oh-so-neat...it's worth a trip to The Kennebunk Inn just to see them! (http://www.thekennebunkinn.com)

So, in closing, summertime for La Diva Bella ain't anywhere near easy...
The fish might be jumping and the cotton might be high, but we are still working our butts off here. Now if we could only figure out a way to work off our fronts, too!

Talk to you later, Divas!